I am currently on an activity holiday.
This is not my natural environment. What am I doing here? I am taking my boys on the holiday that suits them (and us) in ways I will explain later.
For those unfamiliar with the term, it’s a holiday where everyone does their best to be super active, super fit, learn new sports and basically be very busy being sporty. They also play hard, so eating and drinking lots is also in order. It’s not a health farm by any stretch.
I don’t play tennis. Sailing makes me seasick. I couldn’t windsurf to save my life. Riding bikes is not my thing either.
Do you ever feel like you are a different person post children? I feel a totally different person post autism diagnoses for all my children. I barely remember the woman in my thirties walking up mountains for fun at weekends, doing aerobics three times a week and thrashing lengths in a swimming pool on the other days.
I lie on my sunbed feeling I should be joining in. I can’t. This time last week, I was tearful, exhausted and craving sleep and to sit and do nothing. I was in full adrenal crash mode.
In some ways, it made it easier that I was coming on a beach holiday. It meant I need to do very little. The pre autism me still craves temples and Asia and feels sometimes resentful that I can never go on exotic trips again. The new me post autism is grateful to have a holiday to go on where I can rest as much as I need to.
Meanwhile, our boys are water ski ing, kayaking, paddle boarding, sailing and having a fantastic time. They have other young teens to ‘hang out with’. It is the perfect holiday for them.
Despite feeling like an oddity for not joining in with all the other adults, perhaps it is the ideal holiday for me too. One where the boys are happy and occupied and I have an enforced rest.